October 11, 2010:      Coffee

“Coffee.”    Not the drink, the word.   Say it out loud.  “Coffee”.  Did anyone laugh at you?   They may say “Huh?”, but laugh at you?  Probably not.   But when I say “coffee”, my wife and kids break out into laughter.    For some reason I have a real strong New York City accent on a few choice words, and my pronunciation always cracks them up.   It’s been a running family joke for the longest time.

Recently I was in Raleigh, North Carolina on business (don’t ask) and the sales guy took me and some customers out to a local steak house,   It was a very heavy duty masculine atmosphere – whiskey shots, etc – but since these guys were all fellow computer geeks I managed to hold my own.    And then came time for dessert and (you guessed it) coffee.  As soon as the I uttered the sentence “Yes, I’ll have a coffee, please” I heard the same exact guffaws I hear at our family gatherings.  

“Cawfee anyone?”

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October 23, Saturday, 9:00PM-1:00AM – Nikki Armstrong & Friends, An Evening of 60’s & 70’s Flashbacks!,  Hungry Peddler, 470 Knickerbocker Rd, Cresskill, NJ 07626 (201) 894-0718  
The 60s and the 70s – when music was still good (at least some of the 70s).   Am I prejudiced about music?  Nah, just accurate.   Plus Nikki Armstrong.  What’s not to like?
http://www.myspace.com/nikkiarmstrongbands
http://www.nikkiarmstrong.com/

October 30, Saturday, 10:00PM-1:00AM – Better off Dead at The Great Notch Inn, Route 46, Little Falls  (973) 256-7742
Yes, you can make the Rally to Restore Sanity in DC and still be back in time to party in style.   Costumes are optional, but you must be prepared to have fun.  
http://www.betteroffdead.com/home.htm/
http://www.agreatertown.com/little_falls_nj/great_notch_inn_new_jerseys_rockin_roadhouse_00089580

September 1, 2010:      The Cone of Uncertainty

– (Cue ominous music, softly.)
      Be afraid.   Be very afraid.   
– (Ominous music gets louder)
      We’re in it.   
– (Ominous music gets still louder)
      We’re in…  
– (Ominous music reaches crescendo, then silence.  Deep voice with a lot of echo)
The Cone of Uncertainty

It sounds like some sort of science fiction movie, but I am of course referring to the so called “Cone of Uncertainty” regarding the path of Hurricane Earl, which is now barreling up the Atlantic Ocean and due to be several hundred miles east of here on Friday.   The latest forecasts are saying that Earl will blow out to sea and we’ll just get some light rain.   All of this is good news, because this Friday night (Sept 3) I am making an appearance with Enzo and The Bakers.

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September 3, Friday, 9:00PM-1:00 AM – Enzo and The Bakes at The Great Notch Inn, Route 46, Little Falls  (973) 256-7742
If you come to see Enzo and The Bakers this Friday, you will see a bunch of youthful looking guys playing high energy rock – and then you’ll see this old grey beard sitting in the back holding down the keyboards.   Why me?   Well, normally Enzo has two other youthful looking guys playing keys, but for some reason they seem to have misplaced both their keyboard players (very careless of them), so I’m holding down the musical fort until they are found.   Enzo and The Bakers features some of the best vocals you’re likely to hear, their repertoire spans the range from San & Dave through Bob Dylan, and their enthusiasm is infectious.   I’m looking forward to having a blast.  
http://www.enzoandthebakers.com
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Enzo-And-The-Bakers/108815985644?ref=ts
http://www.agreatertown.com/little_falls_nj/great_notch_inn_new_jerseys_rockin_roadhouse_00089580


September 17, Friday, 9:00 PM -1:00 AM – Arthur Neilson at Robin’s Nest Rhythm and Blues, 3103 Tremley Point Road, Linden, NJ, 07036 (908) 290-3090
I’m running out of adjectives.  If you’ve heard Arthur you know how incredible he is.  If you haven’t heard Arthur, then get up off your butt – that’s an order. 
http://www.arthurneilson.com/
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Linden-NJ/Robins-Nest-Rhythm-and-Blues-RNRB/178750518562
http://www.robinsnestrhythmandblues.com/

September 24, Friday, 7:00-9:30ish PM – Ben & the Franklins at Ruthie’s Bar-B-Q & Pizza, 64 1/2 Chestnut Ave, Montclair  (973) 509-1134
Now back by overwhelming popular demand.   Our last appearance at Ruthie’s was an SRO event.   Ruthie’s has added ribs to their menu – I can report that they are outstanding.   As always with Ruthie’s, BYO.
http://www.ruthiesbbq.com/

August 3, 2010:      It’s Not the Heat, It’s the . . . Never Mind, It’s the Heat

There’s a new trend in yoga – I think it’s called Bikram Yoga – where you pay a lot of money to go into a room heated to 105 degrees (Fahrenheit not Centigrade) and do various yoga poses.    If anyone out there is considering trying this out, I have an offer.    Pick the next hot day (pretty much any day these days) – come into my back yard and I’ll set up our pup tent for you and spray the sprinkler on it.   I guarantee it will be at least 105 inside – and you’ll save a bundle.

On another topic, I’m playing this Saturday at The Great Notch Inn on Route 46W in Little Falls.    “The Notch” has been in the area for as long as I can recall (and that’s quite a while). When I was growing up, The Notch was that scary place on the highway where the motorcycle hoodlums hung out.   If you’ve ever seen The Wild Ones with Marlon Brando you’ll know what I’m talking about.    Anyway, several years back I played there for the first time with Kevin Kiley – and the whole atmosphere was totally different from my expectations. Yes, there are a lot of motorcycles parked outside, but inside I found a bunch of friendly, laid back folks just hanging out and having a good time.    So to all my genteel refined intellectual liberal friends (and speaking as one), don’t let appearances stop you from coming down and enjoying some great music. 

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August 7, Saturday, 9:00PM-1:00 AM – Better off Dead at The Great Notch Inn, Route 46, Little Falls  (973) 256-7742
If I had to describe Better off Dead with one word, it would be “fun”.   As soon as lead singer/songwriter VD King gets behind a mike, the energy level in the room immediately goes up, people start smiling and tapping their feet, and the beer tastes better.    And that’s before the music starts…..  
http://www.betteroffdead.com/home.htm/
http://www.agreatertown.com/little_falls_nj/great_notch_inn_new_jerseys_rockin_roadhouse_00089580

August 13, Friday, 7:00-9:30ish PM – Al Gold and the Suburban Rhythm Kings at Ruthie’s Bar-B-Q & Pizza, 64 1/2 Chestnut Ave, Montclair  (973) 509-1134
Ruthie’s is crawling with talented musicians these days, and this Friday night will be no exception.   I sat in with Al and ‘the Kings’ at Cecil’s back in December and they knocked me out (figuratively speaking of course) with their tight musicianship and tasteful choice of material.    Ruthie’s pulled pork with fries….   ummmmmm.
http://www.ruthiesbbq.com/
http://www.myspace.com/algoldthesuburbanrhythmkings

August 20, Friday, 7:00-9:30ish PM – Eric Heilner at Ruthie’s Bar-B-Q & Pizza, 64 1/2 Chestnut Ave, Montclair  (973) 509-1134
Two weeks in a row at Ruthie’s!   This time it’s just me all by my lonesome self
http://www.ruthiesbbq.com/

July 2, 2010:      July is Juvenile Humor Month

• Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, “I’m sorry, gentlemen, only only one carrion allowed per passenger.”
• Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
• A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. ‘But why?” they asked, as they moved off. “Because”, he said, “I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”
• A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named “Ahmal.” The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him “Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”

And finally, to put you out of your suffering

• Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him …(Uh-oh, you gotta scroll to the bottom)… 

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July 2, Friday, 9:00 PM -1:00 AM – Arthur Neilson at Robin’s Nest Rhythm and Blues, 3103 Tremley Point Road, Linden, NJ, 07036 (908) 290-3090
Robin’s Nest is a cute little club tucked away in little corner of New Jersey that I never knew existed until I played there in March.   Although it’s only been open a few short months, Robin’s Nest has become a “must go to” place for NJ blues enthusiasts.  Oh, and did I forget to mention?  Any time Arthur Neilson is in the house, musical magic takes place.
http://www.arthurneilson.com/
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Linden-NJ/Robins-Nest-Rhythm-and-Blues-RNRB/178750518562
http://www.robinsnestrhythmandblues.com/

July 3, Saturday, 6:30 PM-12:30 AM – West Orange Blues Festival,  Colgate Field,  Cherry Street and Franklin Avenue, West Orange, NJ
This is gonna be fun.   It’s an early evening outdoor show at Colgate Field in West Orange.  There are three top New Jersey blues acts.  Kevin Kiley and The Out Patients, will be opening up, followed by Big Mike and the Perpetrators, and Charley Jones.   I will be a very patient Out Patient.  Admission is free, and there’s gonna be food booths from various restaurants.   Seating is limited, so bring your beach blanket and lawn chairs.   And, if that isn’t enough, after the festival, we will carry our equipment across the street to the Franklin Tavern and rock out until closing.  There’s a funny promo for this out on youtube:    http://www.youtube.com/worecdept#p/a/u/1/MsBhEHwD9oU
http://www.downtownwestorange.org/p-news.php#Blues
http://www.myspace.com/kevinkileytheoutpatients/
http://www.myspace.com/franklintavern

July 16, Tuesday, 7:00-9:30ish PM – Ben & the Franklins at Ruthie’s Bar-B-Q & Pizza, 64 1/2 Chestnut Ave, Montclair  (973) 509-1134
Ben Susswein is a funny and talented guy who sings, plays guitar and writes some very clever songs.   Ask him to sing “Natalie Wood”.   The band features Ken Adessa on Drums, Adam Gustavson on Bass, and yours truly on keyboards.   Ruthie’s proprietor, Eric Kaplan, is usually able to dust off his apron for a song or two near the end of the night.   As always, the shows at Ruthie’s are outdoors, so if the weather is uncertain, please call first.
http://www.ruthiesbbq.com/
http://www.shufflejumpandmoan.com

July 29, Thursday, 8-10:30 PM – Kosmic Replay- The Spirit of Woodstock, Hendrix/Janis/Santana Tribute,  Mexicali Blues, 1409 Queen Anne Road, Teaneck, NJ 07666 (201) 833-0011  
Those of you who attended the Woodstock Show that Nikki Armstrong put on last summer will remember a great night.  This show will feature just the Santana, Janis Joplin, and Woodstock sections of that show – I’ll be playing with Nikki on the Janis Joplin tribute.   Admission is $20 and the doors open at 6:00.  There is a 20% off on dinner special if you make your reservation on line.   I’ve had dinner there, the food is first rate.
http://www.mexicalilive.com
http://www.myspace.com/nikkiarmstrongbands
http://www.nikkiarmstrong.com/

…………………
A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. 
Aren’t you sorry?

June 6, 2010:      The Forest Primeval

Sorry, no humorous observations this month, just some vague philosophical musings…

“What is so rare as a day in June?”   Indeed.   Generations ago, it was a regular part of American education that kids were expected to memorize poetry.   My father would regularly break out into Longfellow around the dinner table… 

“THIS is the forest primeval. The murmuring pines and the hemlocks,
Bearded with moss, and in garments green, indistinct in the twilight,
Yadda yadda yadda”

The yadda yadda part is what my 11 year olds ears heard after the first couple of lines.  Much later in life, when I first moved to Montclair, we had a neighbor across the street, Mr. Balsh, a WW I veteran – may he rest in peace, who had lived in the same house for 80 years – and he too would break out in poetry on occasion.   He recited the whole “What is so rare as a day in June” poem for me once. Fortunately for me (since I’m terrible at memorizing) by the time I was going to school in the 50s & 60s, memorizing poetry was no longer part of the curriculum. Now, I don’t know. I’m not advocating bringing back this particular form of childhood torture, but it feels to me like we’ve lost something. Anyway, in memory of Mr Balsh, I’ve included a snippet at the bottom. 

Meanwhile, I’ve got some fun stuff going on in June. It’s the last regular Lunatic Fringe show at Piano’s, there’s a Woodstock Retrospective thing going on, and there’s a fun gig at Ruthies at the end of the month. Also, in July I’m back with Arthur Neilson at Robin’s Nest on the 2nd and I’m doing the West Orange Blues Festival on July 3rd.

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June 12, Saturday, 8-9:30 PM – Lunatic Fringe,  Piano’s Bar & Grill, 36 Broad St, Bloomfield, NJ 07003 (973) 743-7208  Reservations: (973) 429-1527
It’s the last show of the 2009-2010 season.  There is a cover charge of $12.    And Carl?   Visualize yourself walking out of your front door at 7:30 this Saturday night.   Visualize going to the left to the corner, then make another left turn.  Visualize baby sitters. 
http://www.pianosbarandgrill.com
http://www.lunaticfringeimprov.com
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=122790521067191

June 18, Friday, 8-10:30 PM – Kosmic Replay- The Spirit of Woodstock Revisited, Hendrix/Janis/Santana Tribute,  Port 41, 355 W 41st St, NYC (212) 244-4408  
Those of you who attended the Woodstock Show that Nikki Armstrong put on last summer will remember a great night.   This show will feature just the Janis Joplin, Santana, and Woodstock sections of that show – I’ll be playing with Nikki on the Janis Joplin tribute.   Don’t be put off by the location, it’s a safe and fun place!
http://www.port41bar.com
http://www.myspace.com/nikkiarmstrongbands
http://www.nikkiarmstrong.com/

June 30, Tuesday, 7:00-9:30ish PM – Shuffle, Jump, & Moan at Ruthie’s Bar-B-Q & Pizza, 64 1/2 Chestnut Ave, Montclair  (973) 509-1134
I will on my toes all evening, as I will be sitting in with some very talented musicians who perform under the name Shuffle, Jump, and Moan.   The band features Ken Adessa on Drums, Brand Schwartzseid on Bass, and Rob Signorile on Guitar & Vocals.   Hopefully, Ruthie’s proprietor Eric Kaplan will be able to dust off his apron for a song or two near the end of the night.   As always, the shows at Ruthie’s are outdoors, so if the weather is uncertain, please call first.
http://www.ruthiesbbq.com/
http://www.shufflejumpandmoan.com

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What is so rare as a day in June?
For those of you who have gotten this far, the actual poem is “The Vision of Sir Launfal” by the 19th century poet James Russel Lowell. The “What is so rare” is but a small snippet of a fairly long poem about the serach for the Holy Grail.   I got this from http://www.lib.rochester.edu/camelot/launfal.htm.

And what is so rare as a day in June?
   Then, if ever, come perfect days;
Then Heaven tries the earth if it be in tune,
   And over it softly her warm ear lays:
Whether we look, or whether we listen,
We hear life murmur, or see it glisten;
Every clod feels a stir of might,
   An instinct within it that reaches and towers,
And, grasping blindly above it for light,
   Climbs to a soul in grass and flowers;
The flush of life may well be seen
   Thrilling back over hills and valleys;
The cowslip startles in meadows green,
   The buttercup catches the sun in its chalice,
And there ‘s never a leaf or a blade too mean
   To be some happy creature’s palace;
The little bird sits at his door in the sun,
   Atilt like a blossom among the leaves,
And lets his illumined being o’errun
   With the deluge of summer it receives;
His mate feels the eggs beneath her wings,
And the heart in her dumb breast flutters and sings;
He sings to the wide world, and she to her nest,–
In the nice ear of Nature which song is the best?

May 5, 2010:      Spring

An ode to spring (sung to the tune of Turn, Turn, Turn)

To every thing (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time to do some cleanup, of your backyard.

A time to rake, a time to weed,
A time to dig, a time to plant seeds (grass that is)
A time to spray Roundup ©, on poison ivy,
A time to ge-e-et poi-oi-son ivy.

The itching has subsided, thank you.    By the way, here’s a helpful tip.   If you’ve purchased a new vehicle and you’re really sick of that new car smell?  Just go over to your friendly garden center, pick up 10 bags of licorice root mulch, and cart it back in your new vehicle.   In no time at all, that annoying new car smell will be gone.

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May 8, Saturday, 8-9:30 PM – Lunatic Fringe,  Piano’s Bar & Grill, 36 Broad St, Bloomfield, NJ 07003 (973) 743-7208  Reservations: (973) 429-1527
“Lunatic Fringe Takes on Bloomfield!”  Sound the ominous music….  Then laugh.  There is a cover charge of $12.  Carl, I’m giving you another chance here, if you want a lift to Arthur’s gigs, I expect to see your face in the audience.
http://www.pianosbarandgrill.com/
http://www.lunaticfringeimprov.com/
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=122790521067191

May 25, Tuesday, 8-12 PM – Kevin Kiley Blues Jam,  Franklin Tavern, 97-99 Franklin Ave. West Orange, NJ   862-224-4063
One of my favorite haunts is Kevin Kiley’s weekly blues jam session at “The Franklin”; over the years, I’ve been able to hone my skills while playing with North Jersey’s finest blues musicians.   Now alert readers who have been to Kevin’s jam will think there is  typo, because it says Tuesday, and everyone knows that Kevin’s jam is on Wednesday.   There is no mistake here.  This is a special exception to the rule, so that everyone can go into New York Wednesday night to catch Bettye LaVette at the Highline Ballroom.
http://www.myspace.com/franklintavern
http://www.myspace.com/kevinkileytheoutpatients

May 28, Friday, 7:00-9:30ish PM – Eric Heilner at Ruthie’s Bar-B-Q & Pizza, 64 1/2 Chestnut Ave, Montclair  (973) 509-1134
It will be me and my piano at the recently refurbished Ruthie’s.   Hang around, bring the kids, order a pizza, salad, or a smoked brisket sandwich (ummm) and watch the stars come out.   Since this is an outdoor show, call ahead.  BYOB.  
http://www.ruthiesbbq.com/