: Can I retire now? Please?
A little while back, my company hosted a retirement seminar. The first thing that happens is they give you a spreadsheet to help you figure out how close you are to “realizing your retirement goals”. The first question on the spreadsheet is: How long are you planning on living?” Hmmm. I didn’t have a ready answer to this question, so I did a quick google search of the web to get an answer. I typed in “How long is Eric Heilner going to live” but I got no search results that answered this particular question. Nothing on yahoo. Nothing on wikipedia. Nothing on www.how_long_are_you_going_to_live.com.
Anyway, I plowed though the rest of the spreadsheet and made the best guesses I could to various questions such as “Do you plan on traveling?”, “Do you want to live in a house or a cardboard box?” , and “Are you OK with dog food being a regular part of your diet?”. The long & short of it is that I do have choices. If the answers to those three questions are “No”, “Cardboard box”, and “Yes”, then I could retire today. The problem is that I’ve gotten used to this cushy life style I lead – I really like living in a nice house in The People’s Republic of Montclair, eating at nice restaurants, going to shows, etc. If I were OK moving to Topeka, Kansas and living in a one bedroom condo I could retire today; but I’d be rather unhappy in the heartland. Not that there’s anything wrong with Topeka – I’m sure that it is filled with wonderful, hard working people. It’s just not for me.
I remember back in the 70s reading an interview in Rolling Stone magazine with Steven Stills – in the interview he made some comment that he couldn’t live on less than $50,000 dollars a year. At the time I was living in a tiny apartment with 2 other guys and barely scraping by on the little money I was making gigging. I remember being indignant. What is it with this rich spoiled guy? Today my response would be “How’s he gonna get by on only $50K”?
So what can a poor boy do? Well, it depends on how long I plan on living. According to the spreadsheets, if I’m planning on living until I’m 85, I can retire at 70 and I’ll have just enough money to pay that last cable bill before shuffling off this mortal coil . If I’m planning on living until I’m 90, I’ll have to work until I’m 80. But if I’m planning on living until 95? I’ll have to work until I’m 92 – so I can enjoy those last 3 years drooling in front of the TV.
I exaggerate for comic effect.
But not by much.
Meanwhile, I gotta cut this discussion short – gotta catch the 8:18 train to work.
= == = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Sept 7, Sunday, 5:00PM-6:00PM – Shuffle, Jump, and Moan at Towaco Blues festival, 632 Main Rd, Towaco, NJ 07082
Shuffle, Jump, and Moan is headlining this all afternoon affair. Besides the music there will be arts & rafts booths, food, entertainment for the kids, etc. The weather forecast is excellent for Sunday and the drive out on route 202 is beautiful once you get past the malls.
http://thealternativepress.com/articles/rain-date-towaco-music-and-arts-festival-on-sunday
Sept 20, Saturday, Better Off Dead at Ruthie’s Annual Block Party, Ruthie’s BBQ, 64 1/2 Chestnut Ave, Montclair (973) 509-1134
This one is not 100% confirmed. The party was originally supposed to be tomorrow but we’re rescheduling due to the weather forecast. Besides BOD, Enzo & the Bakers are on the calendar. If you’re thinking of coming I suggest checking in at Ruthie’s web site or give them a call to verify the date & time.
http://www.betteroffdead.com/home.htm
http://www.ruthiesbbq.com/